Best known for his "you might be a redneck if..." jokes, Jeff Foxworthy received the "Best Stand-Up Comic" award at the 1990 American Comedy Awards. He still entertains massive crowds 20 years later and also hosts the hit TV game show "Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader." So let's celebrate this comedic genius with these Jeff Foxworthy quotes about family and random situations.
1. "I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
2. "Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it."
3. "I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
4. "You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!"
5. "For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."
6. "I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods."
7. "Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on."
8. "The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him."
9. "Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they'll spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard."
10. "I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles."
11. "When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, "Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn."
12. "The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'"
So hope you enjoy these Jeff Foxworthy quotes. And in honor of his September, 1958 birth go check out one of his stand up routines. You'll be laughing in no time!
For more funny quotes, check out the popular funny quotes section of Famous-Quotes-And-Quotations.com, a website that specializes in 'Top 10' lists of quotations in dozens of categories.